Today, I was watching the video, “Crushes” by a Youtuber whose channel is called Domics. He basically talked about his experience of having crushes. It actually got me thinking about my own in the past.
I liked a lot of guys a lot of times, but in all honesty, it never lasted longer than a day. It would be like
Meh, he is not too shabby
*looks closer* He is actually really good looking!
*hears him talk*………………. Never mind
Till now, I have only had two crushes, as in guys I genuinely liked. To keep them anonymous, I will call them Igorf and Tortus. Yes, I know the names are weird, but just play along with it for now.
Igorf was my very first crush. I was probably 11 years old then, and we were in the same abacus class. In the beginning, both of us were really good friends. We used to hang out a lot, played games, and basically messed with each other all the time. After a while, I started to kind of like him in a way I didn’t before. I would often think about he looks, keep smiling and blushing every time we talked.
“You totally have a crush on him girl!” I was so lost by what she said, until I finally searched what it means to have a crush on someone. This made things so awkward between us. Whenever he came, I wouldn’t be like my usual self. Instead, I became conscious. Thanks a lot sis, you couldn’t just let me live in the oblivion and ignore my feelings, could you!
ANYWAYS! Before I could even go back to being me around him, we drifted apart. I had to take extra classes to make up for what I missed because I was a lazy ass, and he went up to a different class with a different batch. This way, he became the one that got away.
Let’s skip 3 years and we reach the new 14 year old me. By that time, I became the sarcastic bookworm psycho, that I love today. This is also when I met a new guy, Tortus.
In ninth, all students had to go for a mandatory trip, as a part of our assignments for the entire year. During this trip, I got to meet Tortus. Now that I think about it, he is a lot similar to Igorf. He didn’t exactly stand out as anything, but I still liked him a lot, right from the beginning.
Since we were in different classes, I would always use weird excuses to see him, like “Oh, can I borrow a pen?” or “Ohhhhh I think I left my book here” Yeah right, in a class YOU DON’T ATTEND. Jesus Christ, what happened to my brain then…..
I started talking to him more often and got to know him better. That’s when it struck me, we were very similar, actually REALLY similar. The glass shattered and that’s when I realized, I had a crush on a male version of me. Ughhhhhh…….. Now, I love myself as I am, but both of us together, meant twice the crazy and fun. I can’t handle so much, I need my beauty sleep.
That resulted in the end of a 2 year crush and start of an awesome friendship. In fact, I’m still really good friends with that guy.
After that, I didn’t really like anyone in particular. Close to starting of college, a lot of my friends started dating but I was still the single bitch. They would keep saying stuff like –
‘You should really start dating!’, ‘If you just hang out with girls, guys won’t come up to you’, ‘You just have to like someone, ANYONE’
GOOD GOD, let me remain single! I am kind of occupied with my own stuff. Like, I don’t know, this little thing called, FIGURING OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO! If I actually like someone and want to pursue it, I will. And if a guy wants to come up and talk to me, he won’t care who I hang out with. Until then, I’ll eat my pizza and watch One Piece in peace.